Pandora's Hidden Box of Sweetness, Pleasure and Need
by UWLurkerZz
Summary: A CO-OP project where we write sweet romance Nalex moments. Taking in members so if you wanna add something, PM me. First chapter is up right now. Rated for lemons in the later chapters.
1. You're Worth Far More

_**A/N - This idea came few days back when i saw some weird news about upcoming season 4. (Not gonna watch it so idk why i bother with this. Most of you won't read this, anyway)**_

_**Anyway, this is a CO-OP project. I want to ask you people to work with me. So we can make a huge Nalex story where we can have lots and lots of Nalex one-shots. Take this project as a haven for those who wanna read sweet Nalex stuff, but they are tired from the Salex/Mikita bombarding everywhere. (Not a hater, just saying)**_

_**Just PM me if you wanna join us. So far we are three that are working on this project. Wanna add your story/idea ? Want to share it with us ? PM or email me. You don't need to be a writer to be a writer to have ideas ! Believe me ! Everyone will be credit, don't worry.. I wont steal your idea and say its mine lol...**_

_**Want to thank Nikalex and Ayushi95 for agreeing to help me. Love you girls so much.**_

_**Anyway, this is my official part 1 of this story. Enjoy it, if you can. **_

* * *

Today was a strange day indeed. Alex realized that when she looked into the calendar. Her hands started shaking with fear, since her memories replayed every bad thing she had to do on this day, few years back. She felt so bad..

On her own birthday..

A day. Nothing else. Day that..brought dark memories. Everything did. Every one day did. But her birthday was somehow.. much worse. Not because no one remembered, or told her sweet words of congratulations, but because of one simple things. She was alone. Her family dead, her friends dead. Nobody left to talk to her. Other girls tried. They really did but.. It was not the same. It never was. One man however always remembered. One man always brought gifts. More drugs. More work. Those were her gifts. She honestly hated this day to the bone..

But now..

She wondered if Nikita remembered ? A great question. She always did, few years back since her training began. But now ? She's been running out without telling her, going when the sun came down, and going back when it raised up again. Alex realized that things were never going to be like they used to.. They won't just sit in front of the plasma TV and watch horrors or maybe even comedies. It was few weeks before her insertion into Division, and so..Alex realized that maybe, Nikita was more concerned than she was. She saw it in her eyes, every time they talked about it. So, maybe Nikita did forget, but what about it ? She gave her more than anyone before her did. She gave her safety, a perfect friendship, home... But secretly, Alex wondered if Nikita could give her one more thing..

Love..

Lost in her thoughts, Alexandra never noticed those perfect hands on her belly, the sweet breath on her neck, then her ear. She smiled, both embarrassed by her daydreaming, and happy to see and _feel _Nikita in this way. Her entire body suddenly relaxed to her touch, her eyes closed to enjoy this heat and warmth Nikita's body was radiating. She felt so safe in her arms..

She always wondered if the Legendary Nikita felt this too. But, why should she ? Why would anyone ? She was just a ex-junkie, anyway. With nothing to offer.. Nikita would never-...

But maybe she would. The way she held her.. As if protecting her from everything. Partially even from herself.. Maybe there was a chance after all ?

No..

This was an act of friendship, nothing more. She had to remember that, no matter what..

Suddenly, Nikita's grip hardened. One of her hand pointed at today's date. "You know i could never forget.." she whispered, as her hand went to touch Alex again. The poor Russian girl had to fight hard to keep her head cool, and her lust at bay. She needed to stay calm and in control. But it was so damn hard..

Alexandra smiled wildly when she heard those words. She knew Nikita would never forget. Never. But still. She surely had her own plans. "Its just that.." she tried to say but her voice was suddenly broken, and her throat dry. Nikita giggled a bit, a sound that Alex enjoyed and.._loved. _

"Shh..We're gonna enjoy tonight alright ?" Nikita said, letting Alex go. She went to pick something from the fridge. Alex wanted to scream from joy. She couldn't believe this. Another night together. Nikita was done in the fridge, taking a bowl full of grapes from it. As she saw Alex's smile, and her happy, almost childish look, she smiled too. She slipped one berry into Alex's mouth, caressing her cheek. "Really ?" Alex said when she was finished with the grape. She loved when Nikita was like this. It felt so good to feel her touch like this. Even though it was just a simple friendly act..

Nikita couldn't believe how a simple night could mean so much for her student. It was a while since she saw her this happy. "Yeah.. Just us, like always. If you want ?" She knew this question was utterly not-needed. She knew her answer the second she asked. Alexandra, as if the devil himself possessed her, hugged her Sensei tightly, squeezing every tiny little breath out of her perfect body. "Of course !" Alex screamed and Nikita couldn't even breathe.

"Can't breathe.." Nikita managed to whisper, slowly tapping Alex on her shoulder. The Russian princess immediately loosened her grip, smiling, maybe even laughing in the process. "Sorry.." she said as she placed the lonely strand of hair behind Nikita's ear, still laughing. And Nikita couldn't help it too. She had to laugh with the princess. She simply had to. "Hey, relax okay ? This is your day, after all.." she said, placing another berry into her mouth. She knew how much Alex enjoyed the sweet taste of the white grape. When she was finished, she simply nodded, shaking her head.

"Thank you. I mean it" Alexandra simply smiled, that warm smile on her beautiful smile. Nikita never noticed just how much her student had grown up, until now. She's becoming more and more beautiful by every day. It felt so strange to be this close to the person that was so...Perfect. In her own way.

She knew that Alex desperately missed their nights together, just sitting on the sofa, watching movies. She knew it very much. Nikita missed them too. But, things had to be done. And her birthday gift had to be prepared. So, for the last time, Nikita needed to leave their apartment, knowing very well that Alex will be partly sad. "Need to go pick some stuff but..after that i'm all yours" she said, slowly caressing her student's cheek, smiling in the process.

Alexandra was, for the first time, entirely sure that there could be something for them. Nikita was the woman she desperately loved, and that would never change. No matter what. Her Sensei was acting very strangely today. All those touches and..sweet words. It was almost as if..

No. It was simply because of her birthday. There was nothing else..

Alex quickly shook her head, nodding wildly. She knew that her Sensei had other things to do. She couldn't just sit here all day with her, like old days. Alex smiled, understanding the situation she was in. "Yeah, yeah.. Gonna read some stuff until you're back" she whispered, and Nikita could see that tiny part of disappointment in her eyes. But she let it slip, for now. She had much bigger plans for them tonight.

Alex left to the living room, back to read her book. When Nikita was sure that she couldn't hear her, she silently whispered to herself, her arms hugging herself tightly. "If you only knew how much i love you.."

It was true. Nikita secretly, but very strongly loved her younger student. And she felt no shame for that. The girl was so beautiful and energetic, so full of life and.. Even though guilt played a huge role in her mind when she decided if she should really love this girl or not, she simply tried to ignore it. If things would end well, she would tell her the whole truth. She felt that no matter what, she should really tell her..

Nikita had no right to keep that information from her, after all. No matte if it would cost her her own life. When Nikita saw her student reading that old book, her fingers played with the paper, her lips full and..surely so soft.. she realized that no matter how this night will end, she will tell her how she feels. She had to. It was eating her brain since the time she found her dying on the floor.

Maybe, if she was lucky, things would end well.

And maybe not.

* * *

Nikita was...Well, Nikita. She tried to fight her feelings for her student, just like she always fought everything standing in the way of her revenge. But..She just couldn't. Not anymore. Not after seeing Alex so happy and.. She always wondered if the girl had the same feelings as she did. She wondered if her younger student loved her the way she loved Alex. Because if this was nothing but a simple need, simple lust, it wouldn't make any sense.

And so, when Nikita picked Alex's gift from the jeweler, her hands were shaking. Not because of gigantic amount of money she had to pay for it, but because of the fact that tonight, she would confess. And because of the fact, that she feared rejection, maybe even more than death. But... She had to get it out of her mind. She had to confess..

Nikita looked at the gifts she ordered, and her friend, a forger, smiled, shaking his head. "Its a pretty detailed work. Pretty expensive too.." he packed the things he managed to create into a pretty gift box, and Nikita simply laughed. Placing her money on the counter, she shook her head, not thinking about the enormous value. Her Princess was worth it. "That's alright.." said Nikita as she placed the gift box into her pocket.

The forger laughed as he counted now _his_ money. "Hope its worth the money.." the forger said, going back to his separated room. And as Nikita was leaving the shop, she smiled, putting her headphones on, switching her iPod to her favorite tune.

"She's worth far more.." she whispered, disappearing into the crowd.

* * *

The day was... interesting. Nikita cooking was something Alex never hoped to even dream about. Seeing how she's frustrated about how one thing is burning and the other thing is still raw, Alex nearly cried from laughter when her Sensei flipped over the bowl of already done spaghetti on the floor. Seeing the disciplined and always calm Nikita, the woman who could move a fucking mountain if she would have wanted, screaming and yelling over the ruined food. Priceless. Simply priceless. And even though Alex asked if she needed some help, Nikita simply waved he away, stating that _"She had everything under control"._ Silly Nikita. But Alex understood. She wanted to do everything herself, mainly because of Alex's birthday. And so, when Alex asked _"Should i leave you for a few hours ? You know, so you can be alone and everything..", _Nikita was more than grateful. Finally, she would have some privacy. And finally, she could think of a perfect plan to confess her growing emotions..

And Alexandra ? She, too, was rather happy to leave. At least, she could think in peace. About everything. About her life. She felt, deep inside, that Nikita was way out of her league. One so perfect would never want to have something with an used tool. No matter how hard, or painful it is, the Russian princess just knew the truth. But..Nikita was acting really strange today. Like, really, really strange. She's distracted by mainly everything, as if she was planning some bank heist or something. It was strange to see this side of her Sensei, Alex though.

Few hours later, it was already dark. Alexandra wandered the streets, keeping her head down, thinking. The iPod Nikki bought her few weeks back provided her with enough tunes and enough sweet and encouraging words that the Princess made her decision. She will tell her Sensei tonight. She had to. This secret was eating her brain. However.. Rejection. She feared it more than her relapse. And Nikita WILL surely reject her. There was no doubt about that. But maybe.. Maybe there was a small glimpse of hope. Maybe.. Just maybe..She decided that she wanted to see her Sensei. She missed her far too much now. Alexandra wondered, just how hard it will be after the insertion. She wondered just how exactly will she handle the separation ? It felt strange to be attached to something other than drugs..

When Alex entered their apartment, the lights were out. On the floor, there was a small path made by the candles, leading towards the living room. Leading towards her waiting Sensei and the table full of delicious looking meals. From simple cupcakes, to very interesting looking meals. Alexandra was more than surprised. At fist, she wandered if her Sensei really cooked all this by her own. But when she saw her bandaged fingers, she realized that... Nikita had to make this on her own.

It was all so sweet and perfect. Alex couldn't speak properly. Words were stuck in her throat, her eyes fixed first on the beautiful table and then at her Sensei. She was looking so beautiful. The Princess was so amazed by this beauty. This Goddess that was standing in front of her. It felt so strange to.. See her like this. Relaxed and..waiting for her. Like a lover would wait for her love. Wife waiting for her..wife.

When Alexandra saw the concerned look on her Mentor's face, she tried to say something, but it was futile. Words were stuck in her throat. "Nikita..." Alexandra tried to say more, but she couldn't. Nikita was even more concerned. "I know its not perfect but-" Nikita tried to apologize, even though there was no need, but Alex quickly interrupted her by hugging her tightly, never wanting to let her go. Never. Her embrace was exactly what the Princess needed.

Nikita hugged her back. She always did. No matter if it was wrong, no matter if it hurt in the end. Nikita will always hug her princess back, no matter what. Alexandra, still lost in her thoughts about this perfect woman in her arms, realized that Nikita was was surely surprised. "Its perfect.." she whispered, very slowly loosening the grip on her Sensei. Nikita laughed, placing the lonely strand of hair behind her ear. Just like she did this morning. Nikita smiled happily when she saw those beautiful blue eyes smile in their own way. It was simply too cute and too beautiful to ignore. "Anything to make you happy.." Nikita said, slowly stepping back when she felt her hand wandering on places she had no access to. And when her own eyes focused on Alex's lips, thing were even worse. She needed to calm down..

She needed to.. But Alex looked so damn beautiful. She always did, that was the harsh truth. Lust and passion played their nasty games on Nikita's mind, as they both sat near each other, looking at the delicious food lying in front of them. Alex was mesmerized by the beauty in front of her, and the Goddess sitting right next to her. She was finally feeling fine, after all those years of servitude, she was finally feeling free. However, Nikita looked more than anxious. Scared and.. tired as well. Alexandra thought of something that could lighten the mood a bit. "It actually looks eatable !" she said, taking one of the cupcakes, very slowly tasting it, as if testing the waters.

Nikita simply laughed. She admitted it herself that cooking wasn't something she was talented in. And Alex, like always, simply smiled at this. It was fun to see the perfect Nikita being imperfect in something so trivial as cooking. When Alex tasted the sweet little thing, at first, she made a strange face. Nikita stared, confused and partly afraid. It surely wasn't that bad right ?

Right ?

Alex quickly shook her head, smiling and laughing as she very eagerly ate the tasty sweet. Nikita, both annoyed and frustrated with her young Princess simply, very gently smacked her to her shoulder, making that _'I will murder you in your sleep' _face. Alex couldn't help but laugh. "Not funny !" Nikita said, taking her own cupcake, slowly tasting it. "I was cooking it the whole day !" and with this, Nikita quickly ate it, wanting to prove that her creations were eatable. She had hoped. Alexandra's belly just hurt from the amount of laughter. And this night just started ! This was gonna be fun ! Alex found another way to tease her Sensei a bit. "I know right ? Sensed the burned stuff all day.." she said, taking another sweet. But this time, instead of eating it herself, she slowly placed it into Nikita's mouth, tracing the pattern of her upper lip with the whipped cream. Nikita hungrily tasted it, enjoying the fact that her younger student was feeding her like this. It felt so good. But she wanted more. Her lust for the Russian girl was overgrowing all her senses..

However, she had to control herself. This could wait a few more hours. "It actually tastes nice.." Nikita said, cleaning her mouth with the tissue. She looked at the rest of the food that was lying on the table, and Alex laughed, seeing another way to make fun of her Sensei a bit more. "I'm sure it does.. And if not, well.. We can use it against Division one day !" Alexandra laughed, eating another sweet. Nikita couldn't believe this. Her student was making a total fool of her. She was still acting so childishly..

But her beauty. So beautiful. So perfect..

Nikita could never be angry at this perfect woman..

"I'm just gonna ignore this.." Nikita said, drinking her glass of wine. Alexandra stared confused when she saw the glass of milk in her glass. She wanted to say something, but the look Nikita gave her was enough for her. This was simply out of pure fun. Alexandra shook her head, slowly tasting the sweet, almond milk. "Ah, i know you love it.." she whispered, placing the glass of milk back on the table. Her eyes were focused on the perfect looking meals in front of her.

Nikita flinched when she heard the word _love__, _coming out of Alex's mouth. It felt so strange to be afraid of this one, simple word. "That's..Not the only thing i love..." Nikita whispered, sipping a bit more from her wine. Since Alex was focused on the food, she didn't heard her. "Huh ?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, smiling and partly laughing. Nikita quickly shook her head, smiling too. A bit embarrassed by her sudden lack of control.

"Nothing, nothing. Lets start.." she quickly said back, taking the fork into her hand. She was more than excited to taste her own creation. Alex looked a bit skeptical however. Nikita wanted to ask what was wrong again, but the Russian princess quickly raised from the table, running towards the bathroom

"Will wash my hands first.. Be right back !" she yelled back at her Sensei, closing the doors behind her.

Nikita couldn't help herself. Fear attacked her broken mind, as she reminded herself those few simple rules she made few years ago. She was never supposed to fall for her student. She needed to train her, not love her. This was all wrong...

But seeing her like this, happy and at peace. Nikita couldn't help herself.

And so, when Alexandra came back from the bathroom, happily running back to the table, Nikita was simply...mesmerized again.

* * *

The night was.. Perfect. The food was perfect. The atmosphere was perfect. Everything was just perfect. Alex knew that Nikita made extra sure that this night will be forever marked in her memory.

And it worked rather well.

After the fancy dinner, which was actually pretty good, they both argued about what movie to watch. While Nikita wanted to watch something with a deeper meaning, Alexandra just wanted to scream from terror. So, she picked the first movie she saw. And it was a total disaster, simply because the movie sucked so much. So, after few more minutes of watching, she utterly forgot about the movie, and her eyes silently begged her to look at her Sensei. She saw the determination in her Mentor's look. Determination to understand this nonsense of a movie.

Nikita of course, her senses still up like the never sleeping raven, sensed Alex's eyes on her. She smiled to herself, stopping the movie for a while. Alexandra quickly shook her head, embarrassed that she was caught while staring. "This is weird.." she said, pointing at the now stopped movie. Nikita smiled, scratching her chin, thinking. "Well, it is a bit strange.." she said, laughing at her student. Alex, now feeling a bit stupid, tried to re-think the story."So basically, the woman killed herself and her baby..Because she was nuts..And now she hunts these two girls ?" Alexandra tried to explain the best she could, and after a while of thinking, Nikita nodded.

Alex was annoyed. Of all the good movies she could pick, she picked this one. "Oldest story in the book.." her palm hit her forehead, and she sighed heavily. She went to pick more popcorn from the kitchen, and Nikita couldn't help herself, so she stared at her perfect body walking away. She quickly reminded herself that this was no a part of her plan. "Well, you picked it so.." Nikita said as she regained her power back, switching the movie back on. Alex came quickly back, in her hands a bowl full of popcorn. "It looked good !" she yelled, staring at the TV. When another victim died, Nikita quickly shook her head, laughing. "Lets just...Finish it i guess ? I'm picking the next one.."

And the both agreed that it was the right choice.

* * *

After a while of watching all those horrid and so _scary _scenes, Alex notices Nikita in the moonlight, since they were practically sitting right next to the big windows. She was totally mesmerized by the sudden beauty her Sensei radiated. As she noticed Nikita's skin, bathed in the moonlight, she realized that her Sensei really looked like a Goddess. Pure and perfect, without a single flaw. A being so perfect and natural, that she instantly fell in love with her. So focused was the Russian Princess on her Mentor's ethereal beauty, that she didn't noticed that her own body was shaking involuntarily. She did not know if it was because of the excitement, or from the sudden cold. Nikita, of course, immediately noticed this."You're shaking.." she said, pointing at the goosebumps on her skin. Alex smiled, hugging her own blanket more tightly. "A bit cold.." she said, still not knowing if it was the truth.

Nikita, as the gallant Knight she surely was, raised her own blanket, tapping on the space right next to her. "Come over here.." she said, and Alex was more than happy to comply. Not only because of the cold, but simply because being this close to Nikita, under one blanket, was something she loved. It felt nice to feel her Mentor's body this close to her own. "Feels good..." Alexandra whispered, placing her head in the crook of Nikita's neck. Suddenly, it felt so natural. Nikita nodded, feeling the desperate need to kiss her student. She needed to taste those lips so badly..

She did something else. Her hand went to hug her Student through her waist, wanting to press her perfectly formed body closer against her own. "Is it okay if i..." Nikita tried to ask, but she was quickly interrupted by Alex's nod. The girl was simply perfect. "Yeah, sure.. Go ahead.." she said, her head still resting on her Mentor's neck. This moment, right here, was just so beautiful and perfect. Being this close to each other, touching like this. Alex knew that even though this will never happen again, she would be happy that it happened exactly on her birthday.

Suddenly all bad memories were gone. There was only this moment. Nothing else. There was no Division, no pain. Nothing. Just this moment. This feeling of perfection and total serenity. Alexandra never felt so safe. Being in her Mentor's hands like this. It was just perfect.. Everything was. Nikita, on the other hand, felt so nervous, it actually hurt. Alex was always this close, but now. It felt strange. Nikita would always calm and hug Alex after a terrific nightmare, or a simple breakdown. But now...The actual thought of Alex loving her the same way she loves her. That was what made this moment so strange. Partly even awkward. Because if Alex will reject her feelings tonight, moments like these will never be available. Not anymore. So, this was it. Nikita decided that she would wait no more. If this evening was to be destroyed, there was no need to wait any longer.

Nikita stopped the movie and Alex was confused. The ex-division agent felt butterflies in her stomach. A feeling she didn't felt like..forever. She clenched her fists, closing her eyes, taking a deep, deep breath. "Alex ?" she asked, her hands shaking wildly, voice stuck in her throat. Nikita never felt so nervous her entire life. Alex, trained well by her Sensei, noticed this rather quickly. Her eyes curiously scanned Nikita's face, looking for any clues for this sudden nervosity.

"Yeah ?" she asked simply, that mesmerizing smile still on her beautiful face. Nikita had those words on her tongue. All that remained was to open her mouth and to say them. A futile chance. Why was is so hard to say _I love you__ ? _She said it countless times before. With her targets. With men she never cared about. And now when she wanted to tell these words to the girl she secretly loved since the beginning ? She couldn't. Fear took over, creating another version of the speech she had prepared. "Um..Your gift ! Yeah, that's it.. Stay here, i'm gonna get it.." Nikita said, instantly going up, not even looking back at her still confused student.

_Calm down.._Nikita said to herself. She eagerly searched for the gift that was crafted specially for Alexandra. It even had her name engraved into it. She smiled, slowly walking back to the living room. She cursed her weak mind for being so... weak. Unable to say these simple words.

_Calm down.._Alexandra said to herself, unable to think about anything else, but her Sensei. It was simply too hard to focus on anything else. She couldn't. She was so close to actually taste those velvet lips of Nikita's. She wanted to. So much. When she saw Nikita slowly walking to her, a beautifully packed gift box in her hands, she wanted to cry.

It all looked so sweet, and no matter what was inside, she would surely enjoy it.

Nikita was standing few inches away from Alex, offering her hand. The Russian Princess gladly took it, standing from the couch, her eyes fixated first on the gift, then on Nikita's beautiful cheshire eyes. Eyes that promised love and pleasure, even though their owner acted quite differently. "Here.. Hope you'll like it.." said Nikita, handling the gift to her younger student.

The smile she saw warmed her heart to no bounds.

"I'm sure i will.." said Alex as she very eagerly unpacked her her gift. Like a child on Christmas Eve, unwrapping its gift. Nikita laughed as those tiny pieces of papers were flying all over the place. "Lets hope so.." Nikita stated, sitting on the couch. She was quite nervous..When Alexandra was finished with unwrapping her carefully packet gift, she opened the small box, and inside it, was a necklace with the Udinov emblem on it, along with a beautiful bracelet that looked exactly same like the necklace. Alex immediately recognized the U letter. Her eyes watered with new build tears, her hands started shaking. She had to sit down. "Nikita.. Its.." she tried to ask, but her voice was too broken to work. Nikita gripped her hands, a silent comforting gesture. She planned this for a long time. Repairing Alex's one and only heritage left ? That was worth all her money. No matter the outcome.."Yeah.. I took it the day i found you. It was all burned and the chain was broken but.. A friend of mine managed to get it fixed.. He even managed to make a bracelet to it.." Nikita traced the U letter with her finger, smiling at Alex.

The girl however was in the loss of words. She just stared, her hand covered her mouth. "Oh my god.." she whispered, tears slowly ran down her still surprised face. Her Sensei quickly tried to comfort her a bit more. "Hope its not too much..I was going through my options and this seemed like a perfect gift for your birthday.." Nikita said with a smile, her fingers playing with Alex's hair.

Alexandra was, to be specific, totally shocked. She never thought she would see anything from her old life. And now this.. It felt so strange to hold her mother's necklace in her hands. The hard, yet very smooth platinum metal in her hands was just..perfect. She remembered the day it broke loose. When _she _destroyed it. And then the fire. She was sure it burned in that flaming inferno that caught and destroyed her house. But now, it was in her hands. With a bracelet no less. She simply couldn't believe this.

Alexandra was so caught in her memories and thoughts about her past, that she never heard Nikita's worried whispers."Alex ?" Nikita asked asked, tracing the pattern on her chin. No answer again. Nikita was getting more and more nervous. Afraid even. "Hey, Alex ? If you don't like it then we can pick something else. I don't want to-" her words were interrupted when suddenly, out of nowhere, Alex hugged her tightly, still holding her gift. She hugged her so tightly that Nikita had problems to properly breathe. But she didn't cared. Feeling Alex so close and happy.. It was worth it. Her happiness was worth anything..

"Its beautiful ! I love it !" Alex cried out, still holding Nikita tightly, but she let go when she heard coughs and gasps for air. She quickly apologized, Nikita immediately shook her head, smiling in the process. Her hand was still forgotten on Alex's chin. "I'm very glad.." she said, her eyes focused on those ocean blue's. She could easily drown in them. Nikita loved to stare into them. Alex however was still playing with her gift. "Will you help me please ?" she asked, handling Nikita her old/new necklace. Alexandra turned back, showing her neck. And the beautiful butterfly tattoo. Nikita gulped, feeling like a wild animal when she touched her skin. "Y..yeah sure thing.." she said, locking the necklace tightly so it wouldn't fall anytime soon.

Then, Alex quickly put her new bracelet on her hand, looking at it and observing the perfect work. It even had her name engraved into the hard platinum metal. She turned back to Nikita, looking at the necklace on her neck. "Beautiful.." she whispered, smiling gently. And, suddenly, Nikita's resolve broke.

"Not as much as you.." she whispered, her gaze dropping at the couch. Alex, both surprised and glad to hear these words tried to let it slip. A simple friendly gesture, right ? But she couldn't. Something in her mind told her that this time, Nikita truly meant these words.

"You're very beautiful yourself you know.." Alex whispered, her hand, now fully self aware, touched Nikita's still confused and scared face, bringing her gaze back to her. They both smiled into each other's eyes, Nikita's hand joined Alex's, holding her on her face. It felt so good to feel her touch. Nikita's other hand went to caress Alex's cheek. Alex closed her eyes when she felt the sweet sensation. "No, not as much as you.." Nikita whispered, slowly moving closer to her younger student. Alex realized this and smiled, letting her hand fall down. Nikita's hand however never left her beautiful face. "This is a bit awkward..." said Alex, laughing a bit. Nikita suddenly stopped her movement, her eyes focused solely on those ocean blue eyes.

"I know it is..I can't help myself around you Alex.." she whispered, her hand still caressing Alex's cheek. "What do you mean ?" Alexandra asked, enjoying this perfect feeling. She dreamed of this moment from the very beginning. And it was.. It was finally here. Nikita however was embarrassed beyond any healthy measures. She had to leave. Like..right now. "I...I don't want to make things awkward between us.." she said, standing up but Alex, swift as her Sensei, quickly caught her hand, forcing her to stay in place.

"Hey..You can never do that.." she said, still holding Nikita's hand. This was far too important to let embarrassment destroy this. It was decided. She would see this to the end. Nikita laughed, still partly confused. Things surely weren't going as planned. "I just can't help it.." she said when Alex finally let go of her hand. Her gaze fell to the stopped TV that was now entirely forgotten. Poor movie was destined to never be finished. Alex smiled, her hand on Nikita's shoulder, gently caressing her. "What is it ?" she asked with sweetness in her voice. Nikita, at the moment, forgot about even the slightest part of embarrassment when she saw those ethereal, blue eyes.

With a huge sigh, she tried again. "I've been..having these strange thoughts about you and.." her voice was stuck again. She just couldn't get everything out. Alex however, as smart and clever as she was, tried to help her the best she could. Her fingers silently played their game on Nikita's face, and the ex-agent let out a soft, yet a pretty loud moan. Alexandra was more than pleased. "Thoughts ?" she asked, teasing her Sensei a bit.

So, Nikita tried again. "I just.. You look so beautiful and smart and everything and.. This is really ridiculous but.. i guess i'm falling for you pretty badly.." she said, closing her eyes to enjoy the moment of Alex's hand caressing her face. It felt too good to be true. "Nikita.." Alex whispered, enjoying these words far too much for her own good. Nikita, seeing how her words were affecting her younger student, continued. "You're just perfect. I can't help it.. And i know that its a bit awkward for me to say things like these but.. When i see i just.. I can't think straight. I wanted to bury these feelings for good, but when i saw how happy you were this morning.. I just couldn't help it.. And i can't help it right now, too.." Nikita's own hand ghosted its way to touch Alex's neck, slowly massaging her.

Poor Alexandra never felt so much pleasure from a simple touch. "Nikita..." she moaned again, enjoying the sweetness and the pleasure. Finally, Nikita wanted to entirely end this masquerade. So, with the last deep breath, she closed the distance between them, their lips barely touching, their eyes focused on each other. It was so hard to breathe for both of them. "And i just.. I can't help it, but i want to lie you down on that bed and worship both your body and your mind because when i see you i just... I can't think straight when i see you. I'm afraid of this, because its making me nuts when i'm not here and i don't see you, and i know that it will be a lot worse when you'll be in Division but.. I can't help it, Alex. Simply because i..." Nikita's hand went upper, slowly caressing Alex's cheek. Her other hand followed.

Alexandra was breathing so loud and hard that it was painful. It didn't mattered though. This moment right here was totally worth it. And then, the moment finally came.

Those words, both of them needed to hear for so long.

"I think i love you.." Nikita said, closing her eyes, bracing herself for the voice. But, nothing came. Nothing but that desperate silence that ate her soul and mind away. Her hands, free of any restrains, touched Alex's lips, tracing the patter of her lower one. "And.. I know that i can't ask something from you on your birthday but... I would like to ask you something.." she whispered with her eyes still closed. Alexandra was still totally silent. Her mind was still trying to accept the fact that Nikita just said those sweet and ethereal words. Alexandra for a second wondered what could her Sensei want from her ? A release perhaps ? Was this all about the release ?

Nikita destroyed those doubts in a second. "I would like to kiss you, if that's ok ? Even if its for the first and last time. I just need to taste those perfect lips of yours Alex because...I'm just going crazy.." she laughed, her eyes fixated on those beautiful lips. Alex, as happy as she was to hear what her Sensei wanted and needed, still couldn't entirely believe this.

"You want to..." she asked, but Nikita's breath on her skin interrupted her. She wanted that kiss so badly. "Yes. I would really, really like to kiss you..If that's ok with you ?" Nikita confessed from her need, and Alex simply smiled, shaking her head. "No.." she said with a slight laugh, and Nikita was confused and partly sad. "Please Alex.." she tried again with a desperate, broken like voice. It amazed her just how stupid she sounded.

Alex then, very swiftly but very gently too, grabbed her face, staring directly into those beautiful eyes. It felt as if the time itself stopped, so they could both enjoy this moment. Alex smiled, brushing her lips against Nikita's. "You don't need to ask such things from me. I wanted to kiss you ever since you started training me.." she said, closing her eyes leaning in to kiss her Sensei. Her hands roamed all across her body, touching everything they could. Desperately seeking skin for them to touch.

Nikita couldn't believe this. After planning every step, every possible outcome, was surprised as hell. She never thought that Alex will be the one to start this. It felt so good though. She could feel her hands on her body, and she did the same. Her own hands touching Alex's, pressing her against her, deepening the kiss. Their tongues swiftly found each other, battling for dominance.

This moment, right here, this simple kiss, made Nikita realize just how much she loved her student. So, so damn much. It was as if the Goddess herself was kissing her at the moment. These feelings were just.. out of control.

After a long, long moment, Alex had to end the kiss because of the simple need for air. Out of breath, both gasped for air, smiling and laughing in the process. It was so long since Nikita was kissed like this. With hunger and love and everything else.. "So good.." she said, touching her bruised lip. Alexandra was rather aggressive. And she loved that. "Nikita.." Alex whispered, wanting, needing more. It was as if she was addicted again. She rested her forehead against Nikita's, still gasping for breath. "Even better than i dreamed.." Nikita managed say as her hands held her student tightly on her hips. She wanted so much more..

"Never thought it would feel this good.." Nikita stated, closing her eyes again. Alex could feel the need and passion growing larger and larger. It felt as if her body submitted itself to this new addiction. And she was very glad to do so. Nikita was so worth it. "Well..How about some more then.." Alex's fingers now playing with Nikita's lips, their noses practically touching.

"Very good idea.." Nikita said as her lips, once again, tasted their dose of this new addiction. She lied her student down on the sofa, slowly, very carefully pealing her clothes down. Alexandra did so as well. Her hands gripping Nikita tightly against her own body, encouraging her to be far more aggressive. To try new things. To stop testing the waters.

Alexandra had to admit to herself, after the heated love making that lasted more than five hours. As much as she hated her birthdays, Nikita changed this simple fact forever. By these gifts she gave her tonight, she changed her whole life. The bracelet ? She never took it down. The necklace ? Never came down from her beautiful neck.

But the most amazing, the most wanted and prettiest gift she got from her ? It was her love.

* * *

_**A/N - A bit weird, but i hope you enjoyed. **_


	2. Darkness of the Doubts

_**This one goes from - Nikalex. Would like to thank her for the hard work..**_

_**Hope you enjoy it and if so, don't forget to thank her :)**_

* * *

When Alex woke up the next morning it was still night outside. Her head was a little light since yesterday's activities took every bit of energy out of her and her heart was aching. Was that just a release or it was something stronger, something deeper for Nikita? Yes, yesterday, they exchanged words of love, of affection, of admiration, they exchanged words of trust and she meant every one and single syllabus that she spelled out. She loved Nikita, she had fallen for her a long time ago when she got her clean, when she gave her purpose in life. But did Nikita mean those words as well? She wanted to believe that Nikita believed what she had told to her yesterday, but Alex had heard those words million of times before.

She had heard before how much they LOVE to fuck her, how they LOVE to hurt her, how they LOVE to make her theirs. A lot of people had told her that they loved her, because she made money for them, because she was a good release from them, because she was a good fucking bag for them.. but none, for years told her that they LOVE HER. And Alex wondered, how is it possible to be loved? who was so crazy and insane to love a used tool? a broken girl? Who would want a romantic relationship with someone that tries not to freak out every time that she is being touched? And her question remained... Did Nikita really loved her or it was just words to bring her in her bed, to have some whore's services without paying?

Alex knew that Nikita meant those words, she saw the honesty in her eyes but still how Nikita could fell for her? She was just an ex-junkie, an ex-whore, nothing more...She must have been dreaming those words... But then, she turned her head from the ceiling and she met Nikita's form crumbling next to her, Nikita's hand holding Alex from her waist in place never letting go. Her form showered in the moonlight made Alex's heard jump, Nikita was like a goddess, so.. beautiful, so perfect, so... unique. What did she do to deserve that person by her side? What did she do to deserve her kindness, her love?

Alex was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice that tears started wetting her pretty face. But she did notice that Nikita slowly opened her eyes and smiled seeing this goddess waking by her side even if it was for the first and last night. "Good morning, Nikita." Alex said softly not wanting to disturb the older woman. The only thing that was passing through Alex's mind at that moment was how beautiful Nikita was when she was just awaking. "Good morning, baby girl" Nikita replied smiling, yawning in the process and trying to focus on the form lying next to her. She was so happy today. Finally, she was waking up with Alex beside her, holding her, smelling her... kissing her?

Nikita slowly, still sleepy, moved closer to Alex, pushing Alex's body closer to hers, hugging her tightly. Without a second thought, she went to taste Alex's lips one more time, a gentle, soft but still passionate kiss. Nikita was so happy today, she could rate this morning as one of the best in her life. Slowly she went to cup Alex's face, a gesture of affection, of love, of care... Her hand found Alex's soft skin and smiled, but her happiness didn't last for a long time, Alex's face was wet from tears that went down unnoticed.

Fear attacked Nikita's mind. Alex didn't want that. Who would want that. Who would want to form a romantic relationship with a killer, a murderer, a broken woman. It was just a release. But... It couldn't be just a release, could be? It had to be something stronger, something deeper. She felt honesty in Alex's words, she felt love in Alex's kiss. Was she so blind? so lost in her love for the younger girl that she misunderstood the signals? She needed to know..  
Nikita quickly sat up staring at Alex's beautiful form. Alex looked at her confused.. was that really that? Did Nikita just understood what happened last night and she wants to say that it was a mistake, that they lost control and they need to forget. Alex slowly straightened herself up looking at Nikita expecting whatever she wanted to say. She needed to know what she was thinking, no matter if it hurt her, she needed to know the truth.

"Baby? Why are you crying?" Nikita started. She needed to know the truth. Why Alex was crying? Was yesterday just a release that now Alex regretted? Was Nikita just one of the many? One more scar? One more memory hidden in a small box away from the world, just like Pandora's box. "Crying?" Alex asked confused not understanding what Nikita was talking about. Her fears slowly fading away as she realized that Nikita wasn't going to start some sort of lecture in the early morning. Nikita sighed and pointed to Alex's face. Alex reached a hand and she saw that her face was wet, now she understood Nikita's confusion.

"Your face is wet from tears. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?" Nikita asked, her voice broken, her heart pained. She couldn't bare the thought of hurting Alex, the most precious person in her life, her light, her guider. If it wasn't for Alex, she would have probably been dead, not only from the inside, lost in her sadness, in her pain, lost in her revenge but also literally. It was Alex's thought that got her out of the most difficult situations those months, it was the thought of seeing Alex's eyes again that made her keep going when everything felt without meaning, it was Alex's presence that made her waking up every single morning.

Alex stared at Nikita not knowing how to reply to that. She wanted answers, no, no.. she needed answers but she was in loss of words.

"It is nothing. Don't mind yourself with that. I am going to wash my face and I will be right back." Alex replied avoiding the real conversation.  
Nikita felt like if she was being stabbed in the chest. ' Don't mind yourself with that'? How could Alex ask her something that? How could Alex ask her not to worry about her when she was her life? Why Alex didn't answer her question? Was that really an one-night stand for her? If that was the case, she wasn't going to press the younger girl, it would hurt like hell but she wasn't going to force Alex into a relationship that she didn't want. She wanted answers, no, no... she needed answers. But how can you ask those things when you are afraid of the answer? How could she find words to confess her fears when even the possibility to lose Alex didn't let her breathe properly?

"I will make some coffee. Do you want some?" Nikita shouted to Alex changing the subject. She needed some fuels if she was about to make that kind of conversation with Alex. "Yes, sure." Alex shouted back as she closed the door. She certainly needed some strong dose of caffeine if she was about to confess her fears to Nikita. She washed her face and she stared at herself at the mirror. A small smile was still on her face, a hope.

_'Can this be real?'_ something inside her asked?

_'No. It is just a dream.'_ Alex replied to the mirror even if it pained her beyond any imagination.

She gathered all her will power and went to find Nikita to the kitchen. She was a big girl, if that was one-night stand for Nikita, she will accept it and she will move forward. It won't be her first one after all, she is used of being used. Harsh but truth...

When she went back to Nikita, she found Nikita resting herself on a chair gazing her black coffee lost in her thoughts. She smiled softly when she noticed a cup of coffee placed in front of a chair next to Nikita's. Taking a deep breathe she moved towards Nikita, she sat down and took her cup of coffee in her hands gazing at the black liquid. "Black without sugar, just like you like it." Nikita informed her calmly not turning to gaze her. "Thank you" Alex said honestly.  
Alex smiled. She loved the fact that Nikita knew such small things about her. She liked it that Nikita was paying attention to her small habits, to small movements that none could know about her if they didn't care. But she needed to clean the things out. She needed to know what was going on between them. She couldn't postpone the confrontation for much longer.

Silence. Awkward silence. They both knew it, they both hated it. They needed to talk things now, things weren't supposed to be awkward between them. But things were awkward and that was something that hurt both of them beyond any other pain in their pained lives. "How are you today?" Alex asked quietly. She braced herself from some ugly truth. She couldn't expect Nikita to fall for her, not in this life. Nikita slowly turned her gaze from her cup to Alex. She waited until Alex turned her gaze to look at her, too.

"I wasn't the one crying this morning, Alex. I should have been the one asking you that." Nikita said seriously. It was obvious from her voice that she was hurt and afraid of hearing Alex's explanation about everything. Waking up after your first day with someone and saw your lover with tears in her eyes isn't something that anyone wanted to live. "I wasn't crying, Nikita. I haven't even noticed that I had tears on my face." Alex defended herself. She knew that what happened hurt Nikita and that was something that she never wanted to do, not now, not ever. She loved Nikita far too much to do so.  
Nikita was looking into Alex's eyes thoughtfully. She was trying to find an answer in them but she was unable to read it. So many emotions, so many confused feelings. Alex had to talk to her because right now, Nikita was unable to read her through.

"Then what happened? Why those tears, Alex? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?" Nikita asked voice filled with pain. She could feel her eyes watering. She didn't want to have this conversation, she just wanted to hold Alex in her hug, kiss her, whisper to her eyes sweet words of pleasure. This angst, this doubt were killing her from inside. "It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong, don't worry. I was just thinking and I didn't even noticed that I was crying. You did nothing wrong, Nikita. I was just gotten lost in my thoughts." Alex said honest. She felt sorry of making Nikita blaming herself for this morning. She didn't know what to think anymore. Nikita seemed to care, to want more but.. how could she? How could the legendary Nikita love an ex-junkie, whore? It wasn't possible.

"Thinking about?" Nikita asked curious. She wanted to kick Alex's ass for torturing her like that. If that was just an one-night stand for Alex, a release, she just wanted to know it. There wasn't any reason for Alex to try to make it sound better. If that was the case, she just wanted Alex to split out. It will hurt her but she will understand. Alex was a big girl, she might not want her like that, who would want her like that after all? None knew her real self, none beside Alex. If they knew, they would have run far away from her. Daniel would have run if he knew. But Alex knew... and she was here, by her side..  
Alex took a deep breathe. She needed to ask.

"Nikita, what do you want from me?" Alex asked firmly and stared at Nikita.

Nikita looked at Alex confused. What Alex was talking about? She wanted Alex. What was so difficult to understand? Alex was a smart girl. "What do you mean?" Nikita asked confused as hell. This conversation was taken every hint of energy away from her. She was trying not to jump to Alex, she was trying to keep her emotions under control, her tears away from her eyes. She was trying to understand. That was more difficult that she had expected. She was a big girl. She could take Nikita's answer no matter what that was, right? WRONG! Alex was in love with Nikita and she wasn't ready to hear that it was nothing than a release what happened last night. She didn't want to hear that.

"What happened last night was...was just a release for you?" There, Alex, finally, split it out. She was done. She had asked Nikita the most difficult question. Now, she had to wait for Nikita's answer. Nikita was speechless, her eyes wide in horror. Did Alex really ask her something like that? She snapped out of her shock state when Alex turned her head back to her coffee not wanting to stare at Nikita anymore. Nikita gently touched Alex's chin and forced her to look at her. She would open her cards completely. If she wanted Alex, then she needed to be total honest with Alex. She needed to take a step of faith and trust Alex with her heart. "You aren't a release for me, Alex. Don't you ever say that again. I. LOVE. YOU." Nikita said firmly.

She could see Alex's eyes filling with new tears. Hearing something that is simple for most people, common, but for Alex, it was priceless... her heart was melting with affection and love towards Nikita. But still, that doubt inside her.. she couldn't relax. She needed to take it out, trust Nikita with her fears.  
"How can you?" Alex whispered trying to hold back her tears and keep her voice stable. Nikita was getting more and more confused. What Alex needed to hear to let go and let her back in? "How can I do what, Alex?" Nikita asked. She needed to understand what Alex meant, why she was crying, why she was so hurt.

"How can you love me? I am just an ex-junkie, whore. A used tool." Alex said and stared at Nikita, sadness and pain radiating from her whole figure.  
Shock. Nikita was shocked. Now everything made perfect sense. She had never thought that Alex thought of herself like that, like a used tool uncapable of being loved, meant to be used. She knew that Alex's scars were deep, much deeper than she dare to think or ask but that... that was heartbreaking for her. She loved Alex with all her heart and seeing her so hurt, it pained her beyond any healthy measure. A lone tear escaped her eyes that she quickly wiped away.

"This is what you think of yourself?" Nikita asked hurt.

"It is the truth, Nikita. Harsh, ugly but truth." Alex said softly. She had made peace with her past as a sex slave. She couldn't change the past and she wasn't going to destroy her present and future feeling sorry for herself. But the question remained in her mind.. why Nikita fell in love with her? Could that be true or it is another dream that will fall on her sooner or later and throw her back down on the dirty ground? That was it. Nikita had enough. She was getting furious. None was going to insult her baby girl in front of her, none. And she wasn't going to let Alex insult herself like that in front of her either. Furious, Nikita stood up and moved even closer to Alex, her body inches from Alex's, her eyes determined, her lips craving Alex's."You aren't like that!" Nikita said seriously.  
Alex smiled. She was moved from Nikita's attitude but the facts were facts.

Nikita's denial was just that, a denial. But Nikita will accept the facts one day and when that happened she would leave, everyone would leave. Alex slowly turned her gaze away from Nikita. She just wanted to kiss her but she needed to control herself if she wanted to get out of this situation relatively sane.  
Nikita frustrated hit her hand on the table in front of them in order to catch Alex's attention. Alex slowly turned her head back to face Nikita. "I love you damn it! Why is that so difficult to understand that, hm? You think what? That I am just everyone else before me? Fuck you and then leave you? Is that what you think of me?" Nikita said trying to control her voice and not scream her frustration out.

Alex was stunned. She tried to open her mouth but Nikita stopped her. She needed to take it out, so she started pacing up and down yelling her thoughts out aloud.

"I never asked for it, Alex. I never asked to fall for you so badly, not because of your past, but because I was afraid to fell in love again. I was afraid that if you knew who I really am, I will lose you. Who want to be with a murderer, a killer? NONE! But here you are. Still here. By my side." Nikita started. She stopped to take a deep breathe and she continued. "I tried to fight it, to ignore it but I couldn't, alright? All that time, I was wondering if it could be something more.. if you could ever love me the way I do.. and for once moment, yesterday, I felt that it could be an US... So let me ask you something Alex... was it an one-night stand for you? If it was just say it.. I am a big girl, I can take it.." Nikita was talking without leaving Alex to reply to anything of that.

Alex was shocked, it could be an US. It wasn't a dream, it was her life and she was in love. It was time to act, it was time to take Nikita pain away, to heal her broken soul. With determination, she stood up and went to stop Nikita's pacing. Without any hesitation she turned Nikita around pulling her into a hug and then kissing her passionately. Nikita was caught out of guard. She hadn't noticed Alex standing up and she certainly didn't wait such a reaction from her. Soon she opened her mouth and let Alex to explore her mouth one more time with her tongue. They fought for dominance but none of them won. It was a draw.

"I love you, Nikita." Alex said firmly. Nikita felt like crying out of joy. Hearing those four words leaving Alex's mouth was priceless. She never wanted to let go of Alex, it was her personal drug.

" Is that a yes? Are we really going to try it?" Nikita asked sheepishly. It was stupid but she really needed to hear Alex saying that she was going to give it a shot. Alex smiled. She found Nikita's question childish like two little school kids.._'are you going to be my girlfriend?_'. But it was so so so cute! And if Nikita wanted to hear it then she was going to hear it. "Girlfriend stuff etc? Hm? Let me think..." Alex started taunting Nikita.

Nikita wanted to kick Alex's ass for playing such a dirty game with her. But she needed an answer and she was going to wait for it anxiously. She was going to take Alex's torture silently. "I think that yes, we can try it..." Alex said but before she could even complete her sentence Nikita had wrapped her hands around her and she was kissing her like if her life was depending on that.

After a while Alex pulled away gasping for air.

"If you don't kill me with your kisses, of course.." Alex teased Nikita gaining a soft hit on her shoulder. Alex had never seen Nikita so happy. She was almost jumping from her excitement. And Alex knew what would make Nikita even more happier. "Nikita ?" Alex called happily. Nikita turned around trying to control her joy.

"You look beautiful at early morning." Alex comment and Nikita ran towards her, jumping on her opened arms laughing and kissing Alex.  
Both of them were happier than ever in their entire lives. They had each other, safe and sound in their arms. Absolutely awesome, perfect feeling. Love.. A reason to live, a reason to breathe, a reason to fight, a reason to kill, a reason to survive... Love.. eternity love... a reason to keep going... and no matter what.. this couple was meant to be. No matter what was coming, in the end, they would be together into each other's hug.

Always and forever


	3. Means and Motives

_**A/N - This one goes from ThusSpokeRaven. Its utterly amazing, thanks a LOT for this :)**_

* * *

**One Shot for the Pandora Collective.**

**Title: Means and Motives**

**Author: ThusSpokeRaven**

* * *

"The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit for doing them." - Benjamin Jowett

Alexandra frowned as she flipped through the contents of her little flash drive. She followed the saga of her family from the moment her parents wed to the moment her father lay in a pool of blood and beyond. She chewed her lip as her ingrained desire for revenge equally chewed away at her stomach lining. She felt arms slide around her waist and closing her eyes leaned back against her lover. The younger woman slid fingers up through Nikita's silky hair to draw her down. They kissed slowly. Somehow, Nikita always made her feel like smiling.

Nikita pulled back slightly casting a glance at the computer screen. "You're not thinking about going after him are you? If you shoot him..." she trailed off, her fingers firmly holding onto her lover.

Alexandra sighed. "If I shoot him, I kill the monster that paid Division to kill my family and help him steal Zetrov. It would be satisfying on a visceral level but there is no way it wouldn't track back to me one way or another at the end of the day and to Division and it would release hell and flying shit and the Four Horsemen blah blah blah." Alex shut off the computer and pulled the flash drive tossing it back at the pencil box.

Nikita smiled and pulled a chair close to the other woman. She stroked Alex's knee. "We've talked about this before."

"Just a little," Alex replied slightly exasperated sounding. The older woman sighed and leaned in for a kiss. Alex stroked her cheek and smiled. "So much better," Alex said quietly as their lips parted.

"Be better if we weren't in these chairs," Nikita replied drawing her nails over Alex's thigh. She smiled as Alexandra's cheek brushed hers. Nikita's fingers slid up to slide along the waistband. Alex purred.

The younger woman smiled as she husked, "Draw a bath. I'll put away the drive and then we will soak together."

"And after?"

"We will figure something else to do together," Alexandra smiled impishly. Nikita nodded. Alex continued to smile as Nikita walked slowly away, drawing off her clothes as she walked. She stood to follow the cloth trail to her lover, her hands sliding over Nikita's back and down to her ass as she poured the bath salts.

"We should so do this more often." She was nestled against her lover not knowing if it was the jets or the gentle fingers or listening to Nikita's heart beat that was soooo relaxing. She sat upright, sending water sloshing. She looked over her shoulder. "I'll clean that up later," Alex said laughing. She lay back smiling. A plan was coming together in her head. A plan she wasn't about to verbalize to Nikita.

If the bastard died, he died. It didn't matter if she was the weapon or the hand. She stretched and turned in Nikita's arms. Her lips explored the other woman's leading to other more pleasurable explorations.

Nikita led her into the bed room, kissing and nipping across her lover's collarbone. Alex licked her bottom lip and pushed her gently back into the bed. She straddled the older woman and kissed her lips before kissing slowly down her body. She inhaled the perfume of her lover's skin, fingers delicately skidding across taut abs, tongue trailing lower... Alexandra's lips caused a fire along each of Nikita's nerves causing her to close her eyes and fall into the pleasure they would share over and over all night.

* * *

**Alexandra** strode into the office building with a small leather briefcase. Adjusting her thick glasses and twisting her skirt slightly she stepped into the elevator. She smiled and nodded her way all the way up to the executive floor. "Alexandra Dimitrov?" was her greeting as she exited on the top floor.

She turned and smiled. "Yes?" She peered through the thick lenses at a very tall, thin man in an expensive suit.

"So you will be taking Millicent's desk for the week until she is over her illness." The executive assistant pointed out the features and duties of her station. "Lunch at 11. Smoking is out in the lobby, gossip is in the 23rd floor lunch room. Actual edible food? You may wish to bring a bag in the future." He grinned and slid a file folder into her in box.

Alexandra nodded and got to work. Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she leaned in daydreaming as she typed. She soon saw herds moving away for lunch. Getting up, the young woman followed the crowds. She sat in the lunchroom and learned more about the sexcapades on the executive level than she ever dreamed possible. Her brows rose again and again as the gossipers sought to one up each other in front of the new girl. "And what about the big boss?" she asked leaning in.

She smiled as the juicy bits started flowing. So much fun on the top floors.

* * *

**She** landed on the front stoop of Mr. Rubin, a temperamental man with, as it turned out a bit of a history of violence. Not enough for jail, but enough to raise some flags. She knocked sharply. The rather large sports coach filled the doorway. "What?" He ground out as he stepped out in his wife-beater and cut off sweatpants. Perfect.

Alexandra slid into character again. She pushed up her eye-frames nervously. "I'm nobody. I just...I can't stand by while people screw their secretaries over every available counter and piece of furniture in the office."

"What?" He looked baffled. Alex made a note to make it more clear.

"Your wife is having sex in the office with her boss. It's cliché. I won't even dignify it by calling it an affair. It's a fuck-fest. I wouldn't even bother except their...fornication has led to my sister spending her evenings at home alone crying...without a faithful husband...and a child on the way." She clutched her over sized and rather dated looking purse and pushed up her heavy tortoiseshell rims. "Intolerable." She dabbed at her crocodile tears with her fingers.

He slammed the door. Glass broke...then other things slammed in the house. She smiled and left for the US on the next flight. The coach was not known for his level head. His arrest record proved him to be a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Only a matter of time before he was known for someone else's flattened head.

* * *

**She** was drinking coffee across from Nikita in an intimate coffee shop as a newspaper landed in front of her. Alexandra unfolded the paper. "Awww and they say that newspapers never print good news anymore." She smiled and read the story.

"Tell me you had nothing to do with this," Michael urged.

"Reads like this coach guy resented his wife playing hide the sausage with the boss." She shrugged.

Michael's eyes narrowed.

Alex smiled at Nikita. "Wanna have a drive burning party?"

Nikita snorted. She sat back and watched Alex's face. She shook her head and signaled for the check.

"Damn it, Alex. I warned you not to go there."

Alexandra frowned. "Calm down... I covered my tracks."

"Covered your?" Nikita paused. She was frustrated and growing angry at the other woman. "It's not about that. It's about you acting like Amanda and Percy. Can't you see that?"

Nikita's eyes darted between Micheal and Alex. "I'll see you both later." she stood to her feet, throwing her hands up. She glared at a speechless Alex before walking away.

* * *

**Alexandra** entered the front door of the condo to a trail of rose petals. She followed the bright red petals like bread crumbs as she called out her lover's name.

"Nikita?"

Alexandra strolled into the room to the soft sounds of romantic music. Candles flickered in the dimly lit bedroom adding to the ambiance. Nikita lay on the bed beckoning Alex forward.

"What's all of this?" she smiled at the other woman.

Nikita bit her bottom lip. "I thought it was time for some quality time, baby girl."

"I can't argue there. Though I did expect it to involve punishing and flogging after how we left it back at the coffee shop." Alex said softly as she eased down next to a scantly clad Nikita.

Nikita's eyes narrowed. "I ought to spank you."

Alexandra grinned. "Okay."

Nikita shook her head. "Tomorrow. Tonight we celebrate you not getting caught." She slid her fingers through Alexandra's long wavy locks.

"Let's be clear, Alex. I'm not happy about what you did... I don't expect us to always agree, but I do expect you to clue me in before you do anything foolish like that again." Nikita grinned. "You know, so I can knock some sense into you."

Alex frowned. "I know. You were right .. and I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Nikita leaned down to nuzzle her nose before gently pressing their lips together. The entire world fell away for minutes. Butterflies danced in Alex's stomach as the kiss intensified. She felt Nikita's tongue run across her bottom lip and she opened to it. Nikita smiled into their kiss before pulling away breathless. Alexandra rested her head on Nikita's shoulder as she caught her breath.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking."

Alex lifted her head and looked at Nikita's serious expression.

"I don't know where we go from here with this war against Division... and our lives are often really fucked up, Alex."

Alexandra tilted her head. "I know," she whispered.

"I can't give you the white picket fence... at least not right now."

"Nikita, it's okay. I don't expect-"

"Let me finish... I can't give you that now... but some day... when this is over I want to..." Nikita paused. She took a deep breath and exhaled. It all sounded so much better when she rehearsed it earlier in front of the bathroom mirror. "I know what I want in the future, and I know what I want right now."

Nikita slid her fingers under the pillow and tugged at a small black box.

Alexandra's eyes widened. "Nikita..."

"Alex... I love you. Nothing in my life makes any sense without you in it. I want to make that crystal clear to you...and official. I want to spend my life with you...if you want that."

"Me, too. I mean yes...I want that," Alexandra smiled as she stumbled over her words. For the first time in their lives, they were both truly happy. It didn't matter what challenge came next, or what Percy and Amanda had planned for them. They smiled knowing that they finally had each other.

"I love you Nikita."


	4. And the Winner is Love

_**A/N - Alright, this one goes from **__Nikalex__ again, since she's so damn awesome :3_

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It has been two weeks since they saw each other for last time, guns trained to each other, eyes full of pain, pain of hate and pain of regret... It has been two endless weeks, 14 sleepless nights, 14 painful days... two weeks without seeing each other's face, without knowing if they are alive or dead, without kissing each other with passion, without exchanging words of love...two long, painful, endless weeks...

They say that trust is everything in a relationship. They say that betrayal is one of the worst pain in the world. They say that love can survive anything. They say that love is one of the strongest feelings in the world. Lies. Lies. Lies. A life built in lies, a relationship built in lies. Can love survive the lies?  
Nikita lied. Yes, she did lied. She never wanted to but she had to, she was afraid. Afraid that the truth will destroy them, afraid of losing her lover, afraid that the only person who knew everything about her, the only person that she loved and cared about her, the only person to who she would go to seek comfort will turn against her, will despise her, will hunt her down. So she lied, not because she was afraid of her life, but because she was afraid of a life without Alex. But lies and secrets are not meant to be hidden... the truth always finds the way to the surface, burning down the lies, shallowing them, destroying bonds... leaving ashes and dust...

And the ugly truth that Nikita tried to hide found its way to the surface. One afternoon, Percy show a video to Alex, a video that was meant to break her beyond any measures, a video that cut her heart open bleeding, a video that burned down her world in Nikita's flames one more time. Nikita's confession... Nikita, the woman that Alex was ready to give her life for, kill for, lie for, was the one that Alex had sworn to kill, the killer of her father. Nikita, the woman who loved more than anything in the world, lied to her, used her... and now she was lost.

And they tore apart, chose different paths, chose different sides, different goals. But can they really fight each other to death?

Words were ringing in their head, words that were meant to cause pain and hate. But now, it was time to talk.. it was time to exchange more pain, more hate, more regret... And so Alex prepared herself... after two long weeks working under Division's radar on a side mission, she had Nikita's location. And she waited patiently. Nikita's safe house was already bugged, yesterday while Nikita and Michael went to reload their founds, Alex was bugging their house and now she waited for Nikita to stay alone. Pain. All Nikita could feel was pain. Michael was trying to approach her, to make her his, to make her love him... but Nikita's heart belonged elsewhere... with Alex. With her light, her sunshine, her love. The new information that Michael brought to her, killed her. Her Alex was working for Division now. Her Alex, the woman that she loved more than anything in the world, was with Division for real. A free agent, now...working with Division BY CHOICE! How could Nikita deal with an information like that?

_"Let her be, Nikita... she made her own choices... she is our enemy now." Michael tried to reason Nikita. __"Our enemy? Alex isn't our enemy, Michael.. Don't you ever dare to say that again..." Nikita protested. Enemy? How can she see Alex as her enemy? How can she fight her baby girl? __"You can't continue like that, Nikita. Alex is a lost cause. You saved her, she betrayed you and now works against you. Let her be and move on. Focus on something important." Michael insisted. He was tired of seeing Nikita that sad, dead from the inside. __"Alex IS important, Michael. She is important to me! And stop accusing her for her choices... I am as much to blame as anyone..." Nikita retorted angrily. None was going to insult Alex in front of her. None._

_"The next time that she will see you, she won't shoot you on your vest... SHE. WILL. KILL. YOU... this is who she is... an Udinov... a ruthless murderer..." Michael tried again. __"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE MICHAEL! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER. NOTHING!" Nikita yelled. She had enough of this. She had enough of Michael trying to turn her against Alex. __Michael frustrated stood up and left slamming the door behind him._

"Finally" Alex whispered to herself. Finally Nikita was left alone. It was time for a final chat with her ex-lover. It was time to confront Nikita. _"She betrayed you, Alex. She used you. She trained you. She fucked you. She lied to you and sent you here to fight us. She sent you to sacrifice your life for her personal revenge... she sacrificed you." _Percy's words tortured her for days.

It was time for the final mission. Alex didn't know the result. She just knew that she had to see Nikita's eyes, try to find the truth of Nikita's feelings. She needed to know if Nikita ever felt something for her. It was time to listen to Nikita. So Alex put her headphones on and listened to what was going on inside of the house. Glasses... shattered glasses. Nikita was throwing everything on the floor, kicking the furniture, punching the walls and then suddenly she stopped and a door slamming was heard. Alex knew those outbursts. She knew that Nikita was now probably in the bathroom trying to calm down, maybe take a bath, too. She had less than 5 minutes, to get inside the house, find the black box and wait for Nikita.

So she started.

She got out of the car and moved towards the house, she opened the door and came in silently, moved to the bedroom, searched under Nikita's pillow, found the black box and then move towards he kitchen and served herself a glass of coffee. She smiled at her own actions. That was hilarious. Breaking into the safe house of your enemy and serving yourself a coffee, making yourself comfortable? Risky, too risky, but Alex was done hiding, was done playing nicely. So she placed the black-box on the table in front of her, she sat comfortably on the couch facing Nikita's bedroom, holding her gun on one hand and the cup of coffee on the other and smiled waiting patiently.

Seven minutes. This is how long it took Nikita to calm down and grab a quick hot bath. Quickly she changed into black underwear and a robe and she went back to her room, she had a mess to fix. Then she froze. That aroma, she would recognize that aroma everywhere but how? She hadn't smelt that shampoo for two weeks now. Her steps become slow, aware, careful. Quickly she grabbed her gun and scanned the room. None. Maybe it was her imagination. Slowly she lowered her gun. Her head hurt like hell. She had to take some painkiller and ease the pain. Scratching her head and with the gun still on her hands, she left her bedroom only to freeze again. Alex was standing on her living room, smiling. Immediately, she lifted her gun up training at Alex, Michael's words still in her head.

"I hope that you don't mind me drinking some of your coffee" Alex said calmly. Nikita opened her mouth and then close it again. She didn't know what to say. She had never expected to see Alex in her safe house. Her eyes studied Alex's features. Alex was stressed but remained relatively calm, the gun was still on her hands but it wasn't pointing to Nikita and Nikita couldn't but wonder why and then her eyes fell to the black box and pain filled her heart again. Alex has turned into Division for good. "This is what you want?" Nikita asked harsh, pain filling her voice and gestured to the black box.

"The black box? Nah... if i wanted only The black box, i would have left already instead of enjoying the not so warm hospitality of yours..." Alex replied smiling. She wanted to make Nikita feel a little of the pain that she felt that night, the night that she learnt about Nikita's betrayal. Nikita's eyes were filling with unshed tears. She couldn't stand to have Alex on her gunpoint, not again. "You don't want the black box?" Nikita asked confused. What the hell Alex was doing here? Why Alex hadn't left already? "I am still debating on that. Amanda would have been extremely happy to see the black box.. but giving Amanda the upper hand? I don't think so..." Alex replied seriously.

"If you don't want the black box, then what do you want Alex? to kill me? go ahead, then... kill me and take your revenge, but please stop helping division." Nikita said devastated. "Kill you? Look around you, Nikita. You are the one who had trained your gun on me. My gun is not trained on you, yet. But you still accuse me for coming here to kill you?" Alex replied angrily. For the love of... if she wanted to kill Nikita, she would have done it already. Nikita blinked her eyes and stared at Alex. She didn't know what to believe anymore. The last 2 weeks were a constant torture for her, not knowing where her lover was, what she was doing, if she was alright or not and then learning that Alex had turned into Division was the final blow for her already broken soul.

"If you don't want to kill me, then why don't you let your gun on the table...?" Nikita managed to ask. Her voice shaking, her nerves broken, her heart pained.  
" And leave myself completely exposed to the legendary Nikita? It is already risky that I am sitting in your living room like nothing happened..." Alex replied calmly. She didn't want to make the conversation more heated than necessary, not now at least.  
Nikita was taken aback from Alex's explanation. She didn't want to believe that her Alex was thinking that she was under danger around her, she couldn't believe how broken their previously unbroken relationship seemed to be.

"You know that I would not hurt you, Alex.." Nikita almost cried out devastated. It was killing her, seeing Alex so cold and distant, it was the worst pain ever.  
Alex smirked. She hated herself for hurting Nikita like that, but she needed some type of closure, some type of revenge. "It seems that we have a very different view of what the word 'hurt' means. You can't do anything to hurt me anymore, Nikita. Nothing can hurt me more. Of course, you can kill me, finish your old mission, but I must admit that dying is not that bad... so yeah, you can't hurt me anymore." Alex commented sharply. She felt bad seeing Nikita's pained look. Alex's words had hurt her even more, they were like knifes in her already bleeding heart. What has she done? How could she live knowing that she caused so much pain to the person that loved more than anything? to her Alex, to her baby girl...

"What do you want Alex? How did you find this place?" Nikita asked ready to break down as she lowered her gun. If Alex wanted to kill her, she wasn't going to fight back. It would be a better alternative than living without Alex by her side.  
"I followed your tracks and I wanted to talk. So sit." Alex replied calmly. She will have the upper hand in this conversation. No matter what... Nikita will know what she did. Nikita obeyed instantly, not knowing what else to do. Alex let the cup of coffee on the table and took the black box in her hands. "How much is it worthy, Nikita? Is it worthy your life? my life?" Alex asked quietly. "Nothing is worthy your life, Alex..." Nikita retorted angrily. She was glad that Alex gave her the chance to explain herself, to try to make amends, but she knew really well that there is almost nothing that she could say to take Alex's pain away from her.

"This is what we wanted right? This is why you trained me, this is why Amanda killed me, right? All division's dirty secrets in your hands..." Alex asked dryly. She needed to have a control over her emotions, she needed to understand. "What do you mean 'killed you'?" Nikita chocked. She didn't like the sound of those words. "Someone had to deactivate my kill-chip after I faked your death..." Alex said calmly. Nikita froze completely. Alex had literally died because of her.  
"This is why you work with Amanda? Because she... saved you?" Nikita asked with disgust in her voice. How could Alex work with them, when she knew what they were? "Of course not. I will enjoy seeing you kicking Division's ass really really much. I still want Division dead, Nikita. They are just... too bad to let it pass like that." Alex replied honestly. She wasn't blind. She knew exactly what Division was and it needed to be stopped. "Then why helping them?" Nikita asked confused. "It is take-give relationship. When I am done taking, I will stop giving. For now, they are useful.." Alex said with hate in her voice. She hated Division and she couldn't wait to turn it into ashes and dust.

"They are using you..!" Nikita almost shouted as she stood up and started pacing up and down opposite to Alex. "Like you used me?" Alex retorted bitterly.  
"I NEVER USED YOU! You mean everything to me, Alex. Everything!" Nikita yelled frustrated. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Alex just stared to Nikita. She enjoyed seeing Nikita on edge. A part of her found satisfaction in hurting Nikita like that, while another part was screaming to her to go and hug her. "I never wanted that life for you. I just wanted you to have a normal life. If you hadn't tried to kill yourself right in front of me, I would have never told you... I tried to persuade you to leave and build a new life, I tried..." Nikita whispered as tears rained her cheeks. "You TRIED? You didn't try, Nikita. You withhold the only information that would have changed my mind..." Alex shouted back. She was starting to lose control over her emotions. She just wanted to take it all out and then break down.

"I WAS AFRAID!" Nikita yelled stopping her pacing to look at Alex. "Of your life..." Alex commented and looked sadly at Nikita. "Of a life without you by my side..." Nikita corrected Alex and collapsed on the couch. She was tired, she was tired of fighting with Alex, she was tired of playing it cool. She just wanted Alex back in her arms. "But still... you didn't have problem finding a replacement in your life so... please... please... cut the crap" Alex shot back. No matter if she didn't admit it to herself, the idea of Nikita sleeping with Michael not even one month after their break up hurt her. Nikita's eyes opened wide. Alex couldn't really believe that she was sleeping with Michael, could she? "Michael? We aren't like that, Alex. I am in love with you! I love **you**!" Nikita tried to reason Alex but Alex's emotionless stare was enough of a proof that Alex didn't care about what Nikita was going to say. "I don't want to offend you, but I don't care about what you do in your personal life... it is none of my business anymore.." Alex confirmed Nikita's suggestion.

"Why not kill me? Take your revenge and live your life?" Nikita asked defeated. She couldn't understand why she was still alive. "Well... i have a little problem killing you... you did killed my father and lied to me etc, but unfortunately, you did saved me as well... not once or twice but even more times... so I can't kill you. You see, I can't kill the woman who saved me, who helped me stand on my feet again... i just can't do it." Alex replied pain obvious in her voice. And Nikita was wondering if Alex was in pain because she couldn't kill her or because she wanted to kill her, her pain was because she didn't avenge her family or because Nikita was the target now. "If this is not a mask, then I don't want to live. I can't live with myself, if this is what you have become..." Nikita whispered sadly.

"Cold, distant, ruthless, without sense of morality, heartless...an emotionless monster.. You can't stand seeing your own creation?" Alex demanded coldly.  
Nikita couldn't control her own emotions anymore. Tears ran freely. Alex accusing her for where she was standing, was excruciating. "You made me, Nikita. You sent me inside Division to become exactly that because this is what it takes to become a division agent... but i wasn't that bad, was i? of course not.. you had to deliver the final punch, you had to break me first. And you did it, the day that you decided to lie to me, to poison the only good thing in my life, that day you broke me, that day you created a monster..." Alex snapped with hate. Her pain was so much that she couldn't put it into proper words. "I know that you are a good person, Alex. Please, don't do that to yourself. Don't travel that path.. you will end up somewhere that you don't want to be." Nikita pleaded devastated. She just wished that her words would touch Alex's soul. She knew that Alex was a good person, she knew it.

"That is my choice, Nikita." Alex said firmly and stood up. Nikita looked up at her and waited for what Alex was going to do next.  
She looked confused as Alex hide her gun behind her back and then took the black box, only to hand it back to Nikita. Nikita glared at it and took it back.  
"You can have your precious black-box, don't worry..." Alex said and smiled to her when Nikita took the black box and stood up to face her baby girl eye-to-eye.  
"Stay out of my way. I mean it. For your own best interest stay away from me and my targets." Alex warned Nikita. Nikita felt shivers going down her spine. Alex was so cold and distant, so fatal... she felt scared that this wasn't a false threat but a real warning. Alex lifted her hand and touched Nikita's cheek softly. She needed to feel Nikita's skin one last time, she needed to say goodbye. Nikita felt like she was about to cry. She hadn't felt Alex's touch for weeks and now she knew that this touch was a goodbye.

"Cover your tracks better, sensei. If i found you, Amanda's pets will find you as well. Take care." Alex said softly, her eyes glistering with hot, unshed tears.  
Nikita felt her heart beating again. Alex was not gone yet, there was a part of her baby girl that didn't hate her, didn't despise her.. a part that kept loving her... and it was a big part. Nikita knew that Alex was wearing just a mask, Alex was always wearing masks, not with Nikita, but with others, strangers. Now she was wearing with Nikita, too. But it didn't matter, it didn't matter at all, because for Nikita, that mask was a hope, a hope that Alex will come back, a hope that she will have Alex again safe in her arms. It was an opportunity, an opportunity to prove her love to Alex by breaking down her walls once more, an opportunity to gain her trust again. Slowly Alex took away her hand from Nikita's face and turned on her heels walking away. She hadn't even reached the door when Nikita's broken voice stopped her.

"Alex.. please... i am sorry!" Nikita said cracking a little more as she spoke to Alex turned back. Alex froze. She felt anger rising inside her. She needed to take out all her frustration so she turned around to face the woman who broke her heart one more time. "I don't understand, Nikita. I am trying so hard but I don't understand. Why did you have to pretend as if i mattered, when I was only a mean to the end for you? Why the hell did you have to make me fall for you? Why did you have to lie about those things? All that so you can be sure that i will stay on mission?" Alex demanded in a low voice letting a lone tear to fall.  
"No" Nikita said devastated shaking her head negatively and walked towards Alex. She lifted her hand and softy touched Alex's face wiping her tear away.

"You were never a tool for me, Alex. Never." Nikita reassured her seriously. "Why all those lies, Nikita?" Alex asked and took a step back walking away from Nikita's touch. Nikita was getting more and more devastated. She was going to lose her baby girl. She started pacing up and down thinking of how she had to put her thoughts in order and explain her feelings. "Yes, I LIED! I kept things away from you! I hurt you! and I REGRET IT! but i never lied for my love towards you! I WAS AFRAID! i didn't lie to keep you focused on mission, i lied to keep you CLOSE TO ME! BY MY SIDE! BECAUSE I WAS SELFISH! because i didn't want to lose you!" Nikita yelled and stopped to take a deep breathe.

"Once you asked me why I didn't act on my feelings earlier and i told you that it wasn't the right time. I lied about that too... i was afraid to act on my feelings knowing what i caused you. I had already lost Daniel and even the thought of losing you was excruciating. Why get attached when you know that in the end, you will end up alone with your guilt and regrets? why not just skip to the end? But i couldn't control it anymore! i have never felt something so strong, so pure... not even with Daniel. And there was it... one secret, one secret that could have ended it all in no time, a secret that would have replaced the love and adoration in your eyes with hate and disgust.. how could i confess this secret? how could i confess that i killed your father when i love you so much? how can i look you in your eyes and tell you that i destroyed your life when i NEED you!" Nikita added and stopped to stare at a speechless Alex.

"Nikita..." Alex tried softly but she stopped when Nikita turned around and walked away, kneeling down next to the couch and searching from something. "I didn't want Michael to find it, so i hide it" Nikita said mostly to herself. "Hm?" Alex requested confused. Nikita moved back towards Alex gripping a little box in her hand. "You can be as mad as you want at me. You can yell at me, punch me, shoot me, kill me... you can do whatever you want. I deserve it... but never never never question my love for you. I can't take it. Please... don't you ever tell that i don't love you... i beg you... i love you." Nikita said and stared deep into Alex's eyes. She sighed when she saw Alex still struggling with her emotions. She needed to open all her cards, she owed Alex that much.  
"Maybe this is going to persuade you more than my words." Nikita said and handed to Alex a little box.

Alex rose a brow and looked at Nikita curiously.

"Open it" Nikita ordered firmly and Alex obeyed. She froze completely when she saw a small wonderful ring in it. Nikita waited for Alex to speak but Alex was in too much shock to react so she decided that she needed to make the situation a little clear. "Do you remember the day that you shot me? I had told you that after the mission, I wanted to take you out, to a restaurant... i had it everything planned. I had already hacked all the cameras, i had talked with the waiters, i had ordered champagne and special music for you.. i was planning to go down on one knee in front of everyone. I had even prepared a speech. I wanted to tell you that even if i can't offer you a house by the sea, a child, money or safety... even if i don't know if i will be alive the next morning, i want to spend all the mornings of the rest of my life with you, i want to see your face, hear your laugh, smell your perfume. I want to hug you and kiss you and make you feel special because you are special for me... and i know that i am not perfect, i am jealous and i can become a real bitch sometimes...but i love you! and i want to spend my life with you, because I LOVE YOU!" Nikita said and looked at Alex, who was staring at the ring and then back up at Nikita.

Alex was moved. But what has she done to deserve such a woman by her side? Their love belonged to the past.. No? No matter what she was saying, she couldn't lie to herself, she will always love Nikita, she will always care for her... she didn't own her own heart anymore, Nikita was her life. She wanted to say something, anything, good or bad, but she couldn't open her mouth, she couldn't voice any words... she was in loss of words, she was speechless.  
Nikita saw that and smiled gently to Alex. With her hand she forced Alex's chin up and demanded her attention. "I know that after everything, i don't even stand a chance to a positive answer. I am just asking you for one single thing." Nikita said and waited for Alex to snap out of her shock state.  
"What is that?" Alex asked with a weak voice. She was so tired of this fight, of this act.. she just wanted everything to come to an end. She missed Nikita so much... "I want you to look in my eyes one last time and believe me when i say that i love you with all my heart and i will always love you" Nikita said firmly.  
That was it, Alex's walls came down like if there were made of paper and a small cry escaped her mouth as tears started running down her cheeks freely. Nikita didn't let a second to pass and quickly reached for Alex and despite her struggles put her into a hug.

"Let me go" Alex pleaded crying. "I am so sorry, Alex, so sorry. I am so sorry." Nikita replied crying as she held Alex in place. "Make it stop" Alex whispered broken and her knees gave up from underneath her as Nikita catch her and then brought her down with her, placed her on her lap and held her tightly rubbing her back as Alex sobbed into Nikita's hug. "Make stop what, Alex?" Nikita whispered in her ears softly. "I don't want to see his dead eyes every time that i close my eyes... i can't take it anymore.." Alex confessed and she felt Nikita tightening her hug around her. "I am sorry, Alex. I didn't know that you were there till i didn't hear your scream. I never wanted to kill him and i certainly didn't want to kill him in front of you. I am so sorry." Nikita said defeated. She couldn't believe how much pain she had caused to her baby girl.

It was difficult to catch Nikita in surprise and what happened next was something that Nikita never thought about it, neither in her craziest dreams. Alex pushed her body away from her only to lean forward and place a soft kiss on Nikita's lips. "I know..." Alex whispered gently and it was Nikita's time to find herself in the loss of words. "Alex..?" Nikita tried to ask but she didn't know what she wanted to ask. "I love you... no matter what I say or do... that will never change" Alex whispered in a firm voice. "What did you say?" Nikita requested shocked unable to believe that Alex had said those words again to her.  
Alex just smiled and buried herself back into Nikita's hug. "You heard me." Alex stated after few seconds of silence and Nikita's tears rained her face one more time. "I am so so sorry, Alex... I love you so so so so so much!" Nikita said as she hugged Alex like if her life was depended on that hug.  
"Shhhh... everything will be okay" Alex tried to comfort Nikita and placed one more soft kiss on her lips before she passed out from exhaustion and stress in Nikita's hug. Nikita hugged Alex's limb body and cried her eyes out. She couldn't believe that Alex had given her a second chance.  
After five minutes, Nikita decided to move Alex from the floor and she picked her up, carried her to the bedroom, placed her gently on the bed, climbed next to her hugging her and then covered her with blankets to keep her warm. "I am sorry... i love you... please forgive me... i love you... i love you.." Nikita kept repeating to Alex's unconscious form.

Her monologue was interrupted when Nikita heard the door opening and got out of the bed to see what is going on. Michael was back... "Hi" Michael said coldly. "Alex is here." Nikita informed him casually and she was shocked when Michael took out his gun in defense. "What are you doing?" Nikita asked confused. "You said that Alex is here. Alex is Division..." Michael tried to explain. "Hide your gun now. Alex is not a threat. She could have given our location to Amanda and get rid off of us, instead she came here, alone, to warn us to cover our tracks better..." Nikita defended Alex. "And you believe her?" Michael asked disgust of how weak Nikita was when Alex was concerned. "Yes. I do." Nikita replied firmly. "Then stay here with her and get blown up when Division arrives... I am not going to sit and watch you burn" Michael said and turned around leaving the house and slammed the door as he left. Nikita sighed annoyed and went back to her bedroom. She smiled when she saw Alex slowly opening her eyes again. With unsure steps she moved closer to bed and kneeled down next to Alex.

"Nikita" Alex stated softly. "What happened?" Alex asked as she rubbed her head with her hands trying to ease the throbbing pain. "You passed out." Nikita replied honestly and touched Alex's face. "Thanks" Alex muttered. "What for?" Nikita asked confused. "For always taking care of me.." Alex replied softly and offered a small smile to Nikita. Nikita smiled in return and waited for Alex to say anything. "Come here.." Alex ordered and gestured to the bed next to her.  
Nikita didn't need to hear Alex's order for second time and she instantly went closer to Alex. Alex moved a little to make more space for Nikita and when Nikita sat down, Alex hesitantly hugged her and she smiled when Nikita hugged her back.

"Do you remember what you told me before you passed out?" Nikita asked quietly and looked at Alex's small figure. "I do" Alex replied seriously. "You mean it?" Nikita asked afraid of the answer. "Yes.." Alex said and looked at Nikita's eyes making sure that Nikita will understand the honesty of Alex's response. "I love you, Alex.." Nikita commented and hugged Alex even more tight. They stayed in silence for about 10 minutes when Nikita finally broke the comfortable silence. Her eyes had fallen to the engagement ring that she wanted to give to Alex sitting on the nightstand. "Can I ask something...?" Nikita started unsure.  
Alex pulled herself back and stared at Nikita. She took a moment to think and nodded. She knew from Nikita's voice that she wanted to know the truth to a serious question. "If... if nothing had happened and i had made the proposal, would you have married me?... i know that this is never going to happen now, not after what i did to you... but... back then? what your answer would have been?" Nikita asked softly and turned her gaze away from Alex ashamed of her own admission.

"My answer wouldn't have changed..." Alex started but Nikita cut her off. "I see... thanks for the honesty.." Nikita said and wiped away her tears thinking that Alex would have said no. Alex looked confused to Nikita and then realization striked her. _Bad choice of words_ Alex cursed herself. "Nikita, I don't mean that..." Alex tried but Nikita cut her off. "It is okay, really.." Nikita said and placed a soft teary kiss to Alex's lips. "Nikita..." Alex tried again but Nikita stood up and started walking away. Alex had enough. Quickly she stood up grabbing the box with the ring and followed Nikita. She stopped her grabbing her arm and turning her around and kissed her with passion. "I love you." Alex stated firmly. "I love you, too" Nikita said back and smiled.  
"And you misunderstood my answer, stupid... i didn't mean that i would have answered no, i meant..." Alex paused and took a deep breath.

"Marry me?" Alex asked sheepishly and show Nikita the box with the ring. "It is not funny, Alex" Nikita said and gave Alex a pained look. "I am not joking. The situation that we are in isn't perfect to make a conversation like that but we have already started it so.. why not finish it?" Alex retorted firmly. Alex took a deep breath. "You asked if i would have said yes and i told you that my answer wouldn't have changed because of the facts and everything that happened the last weeks... i love you... that would never change, no matter what you say or do.. i will always love you... and my answer would have been yes..." Alex said seriously. "Alex.." Nikita tried to say something but she couldn't find any words. "You also said that you don't have any chance to a positive answer after what i learnt about you and my answer to that is 'marry me'. If you still want to work it out and move forward, then let's do it. If not, then i will always be by your side..." Alex added softly and cupped Nikita's face.

"But i lied to you and hurt you... how can you forgive all of that?" Nikita asked shocked. She was dreaming, right? Her Alex hadn't just given her the opportunity to work it out, her Alex was not letting her back in after all those words and fights... it is just a wonderful dream and when she wakes up, the reality will hurt her once more. "And we are fighting about it and in some point we will stop fighting about it." Alex retorted smiling. It felt good to see that your lover wants you that much that she is afraid that she is daydreaming. "You are giving me a second chance?" Nikita whispered shocked.  
"I am giving our relationship a second chance... people fight, it is normal and it is a good way to figure out what it is important in your life... and you are important in my life... more than i dare to admit.. so the question isn't if i am ready to give it a chance but.. if you are ready to give it a chance... i did and said some horrible things to you.." Alex said softly.

She waited for a verbal answer but instead of that, Nikita crushed their lips together roughly. Nikita's tongue played with Alex's lower lip and when Alex's mouth opened to welcome her tongue, Nikita pushed them both into the near wall, pinning Alex on it and kissing Alex like if it was for the last time. Slowly she pulled apart and staring at Alex's ocean blue eyes, she moved her hands to remove Alex's top. Alex moaned softly into the sweet sensation of Nikita's hands on her naked flesh and Nikita kissed her again shutting her up and smiling in the process. And suddenly the wall wasn't enough, so with locked mouths Nikita moved both of them to the bed and violently pushed Alex down while she climbed on her and pinned her hands down. Nikita bent down and bit Alex's lip piercing it a little and then sucked on Alex's blood.

"So aggressive..." Alex commented while Nikita let her lip in order to remove her own top. "You like it..." Nikita retorted smiling. "From you.. i enjoy anything... " Alex confirmed and moaned as Nikita worked on her pants. Alex had enough of teasing, it was time for pay back. Suddenly she flipped them over and now she was on top. "And i love to pay back to you" Alex said suggestively.

**_3 hours later..._**

"Where are you going?" Alex asked when Nikita left her side and started walking back to the living room. "Just one minute baby.." Nikita yelled and indeed after a minute she was back. With firm and sure steps, she went towards Alex's bedside and knelt next to her. Slowly she show Alex the box with the ring. "I don't want to press you, i know that you need time... but would you marry me someday?" Nikita asked hesitantly and blushed. Alex felt tears in her eyes for one more time that she didn't bother to hold back as she said " Yes, i will marry you" Nikita launched herself to her baby girl hugging her tightly.

"I love you, Nikita" Alex said smiling.  
"I love you too, Alex" Nikita replied hugging Alex forever.

They say that love can beat anything.. they say that love is magic...  
they say that lies can hurt your loved ones... they say that lies are bad...  
they say that fights can show you the right path.. they say that fights are needed...

Nikita said "I love you"  
Alex replied "Always and forever"

* * *

_**A/N - Perfect again, if i can say so myself :D.. anyway, if anyone wants to add something, if its only just an idea, please do tell me.. I will write it gladly for you.. everything is credited, don't worry :) **_

**_Thanks for reading, & thanks __Nikalex for the supreme writing :P_**


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